Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Barf Breath

Here's something that actually happened.
A few months ago, I was sitting on a little stool at work, shelving stuff on the bottom shelves (hence the stool I was seated upon). When lo! a lady came over and cornered me because she didn't want to tell the whole world her special secret. She told me the following story in hushed tones, mere inches from my face:
"Um, hi. Um, I'm not feeling well, and I threw up in the ladies room. I cleaned it up, but you might wanna go and mop or something. But I cleaned it up."
As she told me this, she exhaled right into my face. And because breathing is normal for all people (including myself), I unintentionally inhaled her literal barf breath. I wanted to retch right there, but I was on the clock and it would have drawn attention. It was disgusting. After the lady went back to the computer lab to spread her illness (because the library doesn't have enough malicious germs to make people sick), I went to the staff room to wash my hands in a crazed attempt to cleanse the virus that was surely nestling snugly in my lungs. I kept thinking, If I get sick from her haggish vomit breath, I'm gonna be SO PISSED! I was rather nervous for a week at every sniffle or sneeze I had, but in the end, my constant exposure to disgusting people for the last 5 years has strengthened my immune system sufficiently.
My initial distress over the matter was apparent, and I told a coworker what horrors had befallen me. She was a saint and went to check the women's restroom to assess the situation, but came back reporting that it was not clear wear the barf had landed. We left the cleaning duties to the janitors. I'm not ashamed.

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